Choking on Silence

Silence

Silence and your eyes
watching me
to see what I do next
to see how can I embarrass myself further

Maybe I can shout out
how my lungs feel
when you leave
how they tighten within my chest
I can't do this anymore!

I could tell you
how my arms have the burning desire
to hold you
and never let go

It doesn't matter though
why would it matter?
when I see you pulling away
my hands reach out to grab you
but I catch only air

You've disappeared
Is it the words I've said?
because I can take them back if you want me to
suck the air back into to my lungs
so maybe they won't be so tight anymore

But no, I start to choke
My heart beating wildly in my chest
because I know I'll never see you again
my body shaking
my mind feels like its caving in on itself

And all of this
in silence

you won't let me hear your voice
or see your eyes
are you scared of what I'll find there?
everything you've bottled up and thrown away

When I met you
I think I was in the same place you threw that bottle
and my throat was so parched
I opened it up and drained it without checking what it was first

So now I know your...everything
like you know my everything
even when we first started talking
you saw straight through me

Like the way I'm seeing straight through the air
that you have left behind when you vanished
the air that I'm choking on right now

While my legs burn
from running in circles through my head
and my hands shake from passing through air
too many times

The silence is the thing choking me
the silence that you settled here
I'm on my hands and knees
trying to get in a breathe

But it's so sharp
that I think my throat is bleeding
and that's not helping anything either

So when you decide to come back
make sure to bring another one of your bottles
and first aid kit
because I'm not sure my body can take another hit like this